Alice Cooper: Welcome 2 My Nightmare 2011

Making a sequel to just about anything — just seems like a bad idea. Did the world really need “Police Academy 2”? Did “Jaws 2” improve upon the masterpiece that was the original? Sure, “The Empire Strikes Back” and “Terminator 2: Judgment Day” actually surpass their predecessors in every way imaginable, but they are the exception, not the rule. For every “The Dark Knight”, there is a “Teen Wolf Too” — a blatant attempt by the studio to cash in on the name and success of the original with nothing new to offer.

Which brings us to Alice Cooper's, “Welcome 2 My Nightmare”, his sequel to 1975's, “Welcome to My Nightmare”, his stunning solo debut. Full disclosure here; “Welcome to My Nightmare” is one of my all time favorite records. So obviously any album by Alice Cooper essentially bearing the same name, is going to be fighting an uphill battle with me. Alice has said in interviews while promoting the album that it's not really a sequel, but instead is a new nightmare. Maybe I'm a sucker for marketing manipulation, but that clever little bit of spin does help me accept the possibility of a Nightmare sequel — somewhat.

Alice assembled an all star line-up for this effort. Vince Gill, Ke$ha, Kip Winger, Rob Zombie, and John 5 all make appearances. Of course longtime producer, song-writer, and fifth Beatle in the Alice Cooper universe, Bob Ezrin, makes his mandatory contributions. In addition, Alice also brought back several members of the original — and best — Alice Cooper Band. This caught my interest immediately. I love the original Alice Cooper Band line-up.

“Welcome 2 My Nightmare” sounds amazing. The production is modern and glossy. The musicianship is top notch. It has to be. This album covers a lot of musical ground. The record effortlessly shifts from garage rock to country, disco to pop, and everything in-between. Alice, himself, sounds fantastic. His voice isn't showing any signs of age.

Of course, the quality of ones voice is a moot point when, on track one, it is auto-tuned a la Lil' Wayne, for the entirety of the song. It actually works for the most part, although I'm sure many hard rockin' purists will reject this track on principle alone. “I Am Made of You” triumphantly emerges as the best, albeit unlikely, track on the album. Opening with a piano passage lifted directly from the original “Welcome to My Nightmare”, “I Am Made of You”, is a stirring pseudo-ballad — an epic number that sounds more like an album closer than an opener.

The second track, “Caffeine” sounds much more like what one might expect when tossing an Alice Cooper record on the old turntable. “Caffeine” is reminiscent of classic seventies era Alice Cooper. Which is good because I prefer that over hair-metal Alice Cooper of the eighties.

It should be noted before going any further, that once again, Alice is telling the story of a character (who may or may not be Steven from “Welcome to My Nightmare”), who is suffering from a series of terrifying nightmares (thus the need for “Caffeine”), pushing the boundaries of sanity and thrusting him toward a dark and sometimes corny, descent into hell.

The songs are, for at least the first half of the record, surprisingly strong. “A Runaway Train” rocks with a little country twang courtesy of Vince Gill. His solo shreds. “Last Man on Earth”, echoes the original Nightmare album's, schmaltzy track, “Some Folks.” “The Congregation” reminds me of a modern twist on 1972's “Elected.” “I'll Bite Your Face Off” borrows heavily from the Rolling Stones, but works really well. “Welcome 2 My Nightmare” loses a little steam with the straight disco cheese that is “Disco Bloodbath Boogie Fever.” John 5 turns in an excellent solo at the tail end of the tune, but even his blast of virtuosity isn't enough to save this ill-advised dance track. The album continues to sputter with “Ghouls Gone Wild” — a fifties style beach rocker that just isn't as fun as it should be. “Something To Remember Me By” is a surprisingly beautiful ballad that really showcases Alice's remarkable vocal ability. “When Hell Comes Home” follows and finally restores the promise of the albums earlier tracks. “What Baby Wants” is pop rock duet with Ke$ha. I'm absolutely positive that 100 percent of the metal head community will hate this. I don't really care for it either. It's not horrible, it just sounds more like a Ke$ha track than an Alice Cooper track. “I Gotta Get Outta Here” can be best described as an upbeat version of 1971's “The Ballad of Dwight Frye.”

The album closes with “The Underture”, an instrumental medley of both the original “Welcome to My Nightmare” and its sequel. It's actually a well crafted piece of music and fans of the original Nightmare will certainly enjoy it. Unfortunately for me, every time “Welcome 2 My Nightmare” quotes a passage of music from “Welcome to My Nightmare”, whether it's in “The Underture” medley, the piano in “I Am Made of You”, or the shouts of “Steven” in “When Hell Comes Home”, I am reminded of an infinitely better record and mentally removed from enjoying “Welcome 2 My Nightmare” for what it is. I know this isn't fair to Alice's second Nightmare, but honestly, I was having a hard time welcoming this nightmare with open arms anyway. 6/10

Van Halen: Fair Warning 1981

Van Halen has been in the news quite a bit as of late. This is of course, due in no small part to a balls out marketing push behind their newest album, “A Different Kind of Truth.” “A Different Kind of Truth” will be their first new album since 1998’s Gary Cherone fronted and ill-fated Van Halen III and also the first to feature original front man and notorious blabbermouth, David Lee Roth, in 28 years since 1984’s redundantly titled 1984.

Van Halen was one of the first rock bands I was introduced to as a kid. My sister, who is eight years older than I am, was a huge Van Halen fan. They were her favorite band. I can even remember her attempting, unsuccessfully I might add, to carve the Van Halen logo into a pumpkin for Halloween. Later, I had a friend in high school who was a huge Van Halen fan as well. He would loan me all of their tapes to copy, kinda like a primitive Napster only with liner notes and two sides. He would also loan me George Carlin tapes. Looking back now, I can’t figure out why I wasn’t a closer friend with him. He obviously had great taste. Of course anyone who was a kid in the eighties remembers Van Halen’s hilarious and groundbreaking videos on MTV. In 1984 every nerd in every high school in America was tormented with “Sit down, Waldo” thanks to Van Halen and their “Hot for Teacher” video.

Quite simply, Van Halen was the coolest rock band in the world.

I dig all of the Van Halen albums, even the Van Hagar era. I do like the six David Lee Roth records better, but that’s like saying you like blowjobs — everyone likes those. My favorite of the bunch is 1981’s “Fair Warning.” I guess this was their slowest selling record at the time and was looked at as somewhat of a commercial disappointment. I can see why. It’s certainly not a commercial release. There really aren’t any obvious singles or any standard FM radio fair. There also aren’t any cover songs, which Van Halen had kinda leaned on for radio airplay with their early releases. “Fair Warning” is just a slammin’ collection of pissed off and dirty rock tunes. It’s a little edgy for Van Halen — a band that is more or less considered “party-rock.” My crack Wikipedia research informs me that there was internal struggle within the band — perhaps an early butting of heads between Eddie Van Halen and David Lee Roth — and that friction is wonderfully reflected in the music.

The record kicks off with guitar wunderkind, Eddie Van Halen, performing slap bass on an electric guitar during the quick fade in to “Mean street.” Roth barks about “the living dead” and “being sick of these four walls.” Not anthemic party rock, but instead gritty tales of urban decay. “Dirty Movies” follows with a sweet seventies style Michael Anthony bass line, which provides the backdrop to a sordid tale of the girl next-door turned porn star, as evidenced by Roth, who during the break gleefully shouts “TAKE IT OFF! TAKE IT ALL OFF!”

Track three is another upbeat rocker titled “Sinners Swing!”. The backing vocals really propel the song. It also features one of Eddie’s best guitar solos on the record. Roth’s vocals are really fantastic on the record. He was never gifted with the greatest set of pipes — he sometimes seems to get by on charisma alone — but that’s okay, he got plenty to spare. “Hear About It Later” is also buoyed by hooky backing vocals and a memorable chorus. It’s a good tune, but probably my least favorite on the record.

The centerpiece of the album is the fifth track, “Unchained.” The song opens with a super heavy riff, in a dropped D tuning (long before Seattle made detuned riffage the norm, I might add) and features another memorable Roth-ian breakdown in the middle. “Unchained” would go on to become a staple in Van Halen’s set and continues to be one to this day. The funky “Push Comes to Shove” follows. This tune reeks of the seventies and is somewhat “disco-esque.” It may not appeal to every Van Halen fan, especially those who only like their rock bands to rock… all the time.

The upbeat and radio-ready “So This Is Love?” makes its appearance at track seven. This was the closest “Fair Warning” would come to radio success, as the song charted for a brief time. The dark and keyboard-heavy instrumental “Sunday Afternoon in the Park”, follows and serves, as somewhat of a harbinger of things to come sonically for Van Halen, as the bands experimentation with keyboards would continue to expand in the eighties. The song segues directly into the frantic, “One Foot Out the Door”, an upbeat and paranoia inducing number about a love triangle gone wrong that closes out the album.

Through the years it’s become kinda trendy to cite “Fair Warning” as your favorite Van Halen album. I guess its cool to like the underdog. However, it’s worthy of the praise. If you are only familiar with Van Halen’s chart busting 1984 album or their eponymous debut, give “Fair Warning” a try. It’s a little grittier and a little rough around the edges, but it’s a rewarding listen if you have thirty minutes to spare and can’t bear the thought of hearing “Jump” one more time. The band is in their prime and Eddie’s performance especially, is mind-blowing. What else would you expect? He’s the most influential and innovative guitarist since Jimi Hendrix. You’ve been warned. 8.5/10

Anthrax: Worship Music 2011

I was a huge fan when Joey Belladonna fronted Anthrax during their heyday in the mid to late 80’s. I can remember sporting a white “No Frills” Anthrax t-shirt to school with pride. Yeah, I was badass. That was of course, a much different band than the Anthrax of today. Whereas the other three members of the much-ballyhooed “Big Four” (Metallica, Slayer, and Megadeth) all hailed from the Golden State, the Anthrax of my youth was unapologetically New York. In interviews and on stage they spoke with thick New YAWK accents. This was kinda cool to a Midwest kid from Ohio. It was like some longhaired extras from the set of Goodfellas walked up on stage in Public Enemy t-shirts and jams and started belting out “I Am the Law.” The California thrashers dressed in a uniform of high-tops, skintight jeans, and black tee shirts. Anthrax wore shorts. Megadeth, Slayer, and Metallica were for the most part, humorless. Anthrax was often downright funny. Jeff Hanneman of Slayer played a guitar with a Dead Kennedy’s sticker. Former Anthrax lead-man, Dan Spitz played one with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Metalica recorded an E.P. of metal and punk covers called “Garage Days Revisited.” Anthrax recorded an E.P. comprised mostly of three different versions of a hilarious Beastie Boys-like track titled “I’m the Man.” But make no mistake; Anthrax could bring the heavy with the big boys, thus their inclusion in the Big Four. However, humor and general silliness aside, Anthrax had one other striking distinction that separated them from their Big Four brethren —a singer who could really sing.

But that was the 80’s. The 90’s would be a whole 'nother kettle of fish for heavy metal.

By 1991, metal was about to reach the zenith of its popularity with the super-duper, mega-platinum “Black Album” by Metallica. However, in that same year a little album by a little known band from Seattle, Washington would also be released. Nirvana’s “Nevermind” would wash away the remnants of 80’s crotch-rock and usher in a new era of alternative “grunge” rock; a post-punk revolution that would reboot the music landscape for Generation X. Gone would be the virtuosic shredding of classically trained guitar wankers, vapid songs about fucking, and musicians donning more hairspray and make-up than a stage full of Miss Universe contestants. In its place the 90’s would find flannel shirts, Doc Martins, detuned guitars, introspective — if not downright depressing lyrical subject matter, MTV Unplugged, Bill Clinton, Columbine, and AOL Internet CD-ROM’s in every store, all topped off with copious amounts of Generation X angst. Grunge was here.

Metal Bands like Anthrax were left to wonder just where they fit into the new musical landscape. It was time for a good old-fashioned look in the mirror. Unfortunately, lead singer Joey Belladonna would be the odd man out. The band, (maybe rightly so) figured Joey’s soaring 80’s vocal delivery wouldn’t fair well in the grunge era. Anthrax recruited Armored Saint vocalist, John Bush — whose pipes where more Chris Cornell and less Steve Perry — to be their lead singer. With their new front man in place, Anthrax adopted a darker, more serious 90’s sound and released a fantastic album, 1993’s, “The Sound of White Noise.” The success would be short lived however, as the band would struggle the next ten years with record labels, line-up changes, and an alternative musical climate that was hostile to metal bands in general.

With the release of “Worship Music”. Anthrax fans finally get a chance to hear what a modern Anthrax record would sound like with Joey Belladonna on lead vocals once again. The ironic thing is that “Worship Music” sounds in a lot of ways like a 90’s record. The riffs are more reminiscent of a detuned 90’s sound than those that we enjoyed in the 80’s. Joey Belladonna’s vocals are deeper on the record. Don’t get me wrong the range is there, and in fine form, but he seems to be singing in a lower register on most of the record (probably to be in key with the detuned guitars). It’s not a bad thing. It works and he sounds amazing. On a track like, “Crawl” he even sounds like 90’s grunge superstar and vocal mercenary Chris Cornell.

“Worship Music” somehow manages to sound like a natural successor to both 1990’s “Persistence of Time” and 2003’s “We’ve Come For You All.” The album continues the darker feel of “Persistence of Time”, while continuing the detuned modern riffage of “We’ve Come For You All.” After a brief instrumental into, “Worship Music” opens with it’s only true thrasher, a scorcher of a track called, “Earth on Hell.” It’s the perfect track to open with and let the fans know that after an eight year absence, Anthrax are back and ready to rip your dick off. Track two, “The Devil You Know”, stomps along merrily with a Helmet-esque stop and start riff. The song features a hooky chorus and an AC/DC groove. “Fight’em ‘Till You Can’t” is an obvious first single. A fun metal tune about surviving an unfortunate encounter with the undead, “Fight’em” sports a memorable pre-chorus Scott Ian chant ala “Among the Living” and a powerhouse chorus. Once again Joey shines on lead vocals. The song also gives the best drummer in metal, Charlie Benante, a chance to shine in his own “Tom Sawyer” moment at the tail end of Rob Caggiano’s killer guitar solo. Of course, Frank Bello returns and the criminally underrated bassist once again ably lays down the fat.

The centerpiece of the album is the epic “In the End”, a song lamenting the loss of two of metal’s giants; Black Sabbath’s Ronnie James Dio and frequent Anthrax guest soloist and Pantera axe-man, Dimebag Darrell. I would say that “In the End” is the best song on the album if every other song didn’t also deserve that distinction. “Judas Priest” is another notable sprawling epic. Hell, they’re all notable. “The Giant”, “The Constant”, and album closer “Revolution Screams” are all stellar additions to the Anthrax cannon of thrash metal.

Joey Belladonna is the star of “Worship Music.” He came back to the band he helped make one of the Big Four and simply hit it out of the park. It is his best vocal performance on an Anthrax album. “Worship Music” is a mature record by a seasoned band. The record didn’t come easy and its troubles have been well documented (we won’t get into all of THAT here). It is easily the best new release by any of the Big Four. It is an album that shows incredible growth, but it is also one from a band who knows who, and are comfortable with, what they are. Whereas thrash peers like Megadeth, Slayer, and Metallica have chosen to play it safe with their recent releases, Anthrax have chosen to evolve and push the envelope. The result is one of the most rewarding metal albums you will hear. Whereas most bands struggle to release music that can stand next to their greatest achievements, Anthrax have pulled off the seemingly impossible; at almost thirty years of age they recaptured the greatness of their 80’s output, brought it into the twenty-first century, and surpassed it. “Worship Music” is Anthrax’s best album. 9.7/10

Mercyful Fate: Melissa 1983

Metal music is hard to take seriously. Metal musicians tend to take themselves too seriously. Metal fans are often chest-beating, homophobic, illiterate Neanderthals. Rock journalists, historians, and scribes treat the genre like rock music’s redheaded stepchild. Self-aware fans like myself are hesitant to openly express their fandom.

Unlike his naïve counterpart, the aforementioned chest-beating homophobe, the “Enlightened Metalhead” knows he must hide his forbidden love of all things denim, leather, and loud. To admit to being a metalhead is to invite scorn and ridicule from music fans with more “sophisticated” tastes. Rolling Stone, Spin, the powers that be at the Rock–n-Roll Hall of Fame are all tripping over themselves to sing the praises of the Stones, Stooges, and Sgt. Pepper. However, if you’re looking for some love for Sabbath, Slayer, and Sepultura — don’t hold your breath. Even when it comes, like it eventually did for arguably one of rock’s most influential bands — Black Sabbath — it will come long overdue and after much debate and unnecessary deliberation.

So what does any of this have to do with Mercyful Fate’s masterwork “Melissa”?

Mercyful Fate is a band that only a metalhead could love. They are the ultimate guilty pleasure of the self-aware metal connoisseur. The lyrics are over-the-top satanic prose sung in an often glass shattering falsetto by a man in black and white kabuki face paint into a microphone bedazzled with actual human bones. The songs are sprawling compositions, loaded with more riffs than the first ten Black Sabbath albums combined. They eschew any semblance of traditional song structure. The standard verse-chorus-verse-chorus-guitar solo-chorus repeat ‘till fade is nowhere to found here. This is a band and an album that will never receive recognition from the Rock Hall or Rolling Stone. Many will even regard them as nothing more than adolescent shock rock. Others will regard them as a joke.

That is a damn shame.

Mercyful Fate are one of the most important and influential bands in metal history. Their debut album, “Melissa” became the cheat sheet, crib notes, and how-to manual for the metal revolution that would dominate the eighties. “Melissa” spawned not one, but two metal subgenres — Black Metal and Thrash Metal. Any fan of the early work of Slayer, Metallica, and Megadeth will hear their signature stylistic tendencies all over “Melissa” — the wild changes in tempo, constantly changing and evolving guitar riffs, the dark lyrics, the use of quiet passages set against blistering bursts of metal riffage, the understanding and effective use of dynamics — those traits that set the early thrash movement apart from the ridiculously flamboyant and vapid eighties hair metal, are all packed into Melissa’s thirty-nine brilliant minutes.

The album is everything that metal gets mocked for. The vocals, the solos, the lyrics — it’s all here but delivered with such conviction and swagger that the band pulls it off. The album opens with King Diamond’s magnum opus to corpse fucking, the appropriately titled, “Evil.” “Evil” is the best track on the album and really showcases guitarist Hank Sherman’s knack for murderous metal riffage. How this guy is never mentioned in the same regard as other riff-masters like James Hetfield and Tony Iommi is beyond me. “Melissa” is loaded with classic riffs.

At just over a half-hour in length “Melissa” never suffers a dull moment. By today’s standard “Melissa” sounds a lot less like the devils personal soundtrack to hell and more like classic rock. That’s not a bad thing — this is classic stuff. “Curse of the Pharaohs” and “Into the Coven” follow, the later sporting an intro classical guitar passage that sounds plucked right out of medieval times. “At the Sound of the Demon Bell” and “Black Funeral” comprise the middle portion of the album and are also the most demonic lyrically. Of course if you could handle the corpse fucking in track one you’ll be fine when King Diamond is commanding you to “All Hail Satan!” by track five.

Melissa’s most ambitious piece is the second to last track, “Satan’s Fall.” Coming in at just under twelve minutes, “Satan’s Fall” is easily Melissa’s musical centerpiece. The riffs endlessly shift and evolve, moving onto the next before the listener has had the chance to digest what has just been heard. It will take a few listens to appreciate, but is well worth the time invested.

“Melissa” closes with the title track, a ballad of sorts lamenting the loss of a witch and promising bloody revenge for her demise. The track has a seventies classic rock vibe, reminiscent of Alice Cooper. Guitarists Michael Denner and Hank Shermann shine while trading surprisingly soulful leads.

“Melissa” and metal in general, will never receive the respect that they deserve. This metalhead is O.K. with that. Part of what makes “Melissa”, and being a metalhead special in the first place, is that it is yours. If you are one of the few to actually get the music, you are by default, in select company. When you meet someone else who “gets” it as well, you instantly become friends. It is a brotherhood. It is a lifestyle. All of this seems corny to the uninitiated, but metalheads know what I am talking about. Throw “Melissa” on your iPod and embrace your inner misfit. This is outsider music for the socially awkward, the alienated, the disenfranchised — those of us who never had a voice — that is until King Diamond lent us his unmistakable demonic wail. If you love metal and somehow missed this early eighties treasure, check it out. I guarantee you’ll “get it.” 9.8/10

Ghost: Opus Eponymous 2010

When I was in high School 1,000,00 years ago, I listened to a lot of Danzig. Which was great, because that was when he and his band were really fuckin’ good. I can also remember a preacher from a local church spending a great deal of time hanging around our High School, buddying up with students, talking to faculty, and basically worming his way into the culture of our school. He especially zeroed in on the “troubled” kids, of which I was one — by his estimation anyway. I don’t know if any of this was appropriate or even legal, but it happened. Our principal was perfectly OK with it. I suspect they both shared a mutual admiration for that Jesus fellow.

ANYWAY…I remember enthusiastically sharing my new CD, “Danzig II: Lucifuge” with our local High School-stalker-preacher-guy. We’ll call him “Bob” for the purposes of this story. I was totally stoked to have my grubby little paws on the Danzig album. I told Bob it kicked ass and even took the time to demonstrate how the CD sleeve folded out into an inverted cross. Bob was not amused. He explained to me that out of all the satanic metal bands, Danzig bothered him the most. To Bob, Danzig posed the greatest threat. Danzig’s music, with its tendency toward catchy hooks and sing-along choruses, had the greatest potential for commercial success. In Bob’s opinion, musically abrasive satanic bands like Slayer or Morbid Angel would never have the ability to reach a wider audience. Therefore, while he found their message troublesome, they posed little threat.

In the end Bob’s analysis was somewhat accurate. Danzig scored a huge radio hit with “Mother”, proving that the band could enjoy some widespread, mainstream success. However, Slayer did eventually win a couple Grammy’s. Which proved that they too, could enjoy commercial success. Either way the world didn’t come to an end.

So what the fuck does any of this have to do with Ghost’s “Opus Eponymous?”

“Opus Eponymous”, is an album packed full of un-metal melody, which at times borders on pop. The songs will borough their way into your skull and sit their like some kind of satanic tumor. Like early Danzig, Ghost’s songs are accessible enough to eventually yield some mainstream success. Also, like Danzig, their lyrics are always about Satan, Satan, and every once in while for a change of pace, Satan.

Bob should be worried.

“Opus Eponymous”, is best described as a cross between Blue Oyster Cult and Merciful Fate. The riffs are retro in a wonderfully 70’s kinda way. The production is bone dry. The music on “Opus Eponymous” will remind you of other bands at times, but it never sounds derivative.

I imagine most metal heads will take umbrage with the vocals. Lead vocalist, “Papa Emeritus”, sings on “Opus Eponymous.” He doesn’t shout, bark, growl, belch or fart into the microphone like most modern metal vocalists. He doesn’t appear to suffer from any bro-like tendencies of metal machismo. Instead he delivers a poppy vocal performance, peppered with just enough falsetto to remind you of King Diamond. The approach works and serves as the perfect compliment to the retro metal groove being laid down by the backing band.

The album clocks in at around 30 minutes, which I personally love, because you can listen to it again and again without growing a long white beard. Every track is outstanding. My favorites are “Ritual,” “Elizabeth,” and “Stand by Him.” There are two instrumentals.

The Japanese version contains a cover of The Beatles “Here Comes the Sun” as a bonus track. Oddly enough, it makes for an outstanding album closer and sounds positively evil while not deviating too much from the original.

“Opus Eponymous” is an outstanding debut album for Ghost. The album has an undeniable classic rock vibe. The playing is progressive, yet tasteful. The songs are amazingly well crafted. Give it a few spins and I guarantee you’ll find yourself singing, “This chapel of ritual Smells of dead human sacrifices”, while in the shower. Not since the Misfits have poppy choruses and Satan sounded so good together. 9.5/10

Misfits: The Devil's Rain 2011

I was at a buddy’s house in the early nineties when I noticed he had a copy of American Psycho sitting beside his stereo. I asked him if it was any good and he sheepishly shrugged his shoulders and gave me the ole’, “It’s O.K.” The truth is I didn’t care what he said. I had already written it off. I suspect that the truth may also be that he didn’t want to admit that he liked it. We all subscribed to some unwritten and unspoken idea that the Misfits without Glenn Danzig were not the Misfits at all — that “The Misfits: Mach II” represented nothing more than a cash grab on behalf two former members of the original band, both of whom apparently lacked the creativity, ambition, or talent necessary to start their own, new band. The original incarnation of the Misfits was in many ways, pure magical brilliance, an elusive combination of timing and talent that happens to only a handful of bands. And when it happens, those bands become legendary.

So the question must be asked, why would Jerry Only, the sole original remaining member in the Misfits, want to continue operating under the Misfits moniker, knowing that anything they create, no matter how good it may or may not be, will never live up to the legendary status of the original bands output? The obvious answer is that the Misfits brand is a cash cow and that no matter how uninspired any new material may be, the name alone gives it a chance to sell. And if you can’t actually move the albums themselves, you can always sell Misfits posters, t-shirts, coffee mugs, air fresheners, lunch boxes, socks, buttons, belt-buckles, shot glasses, lighters, cell phone cases, beer mugs, incense, and whatever the fuck else you can fit a smiling, money-making Crimson Ghost logo on.

The fact is though, much to the chagrin of  Danzig die-hards, the “Newfits” (The Misfits: Mach II) records were pretty good. American Psycho and Famous Monsters were heavy, thrashing, and damn fun to listen to. It was good to have the Misfits around in any incarnation over a decade after the original line-ups demise. Many fans came on board after Metallica covered Last Caress and Green Hell in 1986 on their Garage Days: The $5.98 E.P., three years after the original Misfits broke up. The “Newfits” gave a new generation of fans a chance to see their heroes in action.

Today, “The Misfits: Mach III” is comprised of original fiend, Jerry Only on bass and vocals, Dez Cadena on guitar, and Eric “Chupacabra” Arceon on drums. This version of the Misfits has been around awhile, but has not released any new material until now. The Devil’s Rain took a few listens to grab me and ultimately it did. The album kicks off with the title track, and it is the best track on the album. The Devil’s Rain is a dark anthem of sorts, featuring a nice driving riff and ominous thunderclouds clapping throughout. It segues nicely into the second track, Vivid Red, which in true punk fashion, clocks in at less than two minutes. It’s a slammin’ tune that when coupled with The Devil’s Rain, makes for a nice opening one-two punch. Land of the Dead follows and is another strong track.

The Devil’s Rain has more of a punk vibe than American Psycho or Famous Monsters, which skewed toward more of a metal sound. However, a few of The Devil’s Rain’s tracks do sound metal. For example, Jack the Ripper actually reminds me of a Paul Di’Anno-era Iron Maiden song — think Phantom of the Opera. It is also one of two tracks, along with album closer, Death Ray, which Dez Cadena sings lead vocals on.  The Black Hole, Twilight of the Dead, and the Ghost of Frankenstein all sound like tracks that could have come from “The Misfits: Mach II” era.

The Devil’s Rain loses some points for the obvious filler in the back half of the record. Monkey’s Paw, Where Do They Go?, and Sleepwalkin’ could have all been left off and the result would have been a tighter, more focused album. The Devil’s Rain features more guitar solos than Misfits fans may be accustomed to, as well as a few moments of 50’s style doo-wop vocals. Jerry Only does a decent job in taking over the lead vocal duties, He doesn’t have the dynamic range of either of the band’s previous singers, but this particular set of songs doesn’t require it either.

The Devil’s Rain is the weakest entry into the Misfits canon of legendary horror-punk. However, that doesn’t make it a bad album. At the very least it raises to the level of the bands “Mach II” nineties output and at times even surpasses it. The songs are not as dark as the bands classic Danzig-era output. At times the music is downright cheesy. However, if you are in the mood, it’ll hit you the right way.

Fair or not, The Devil’s Rain will be judged against the original Misfits material. If it were a Jerry Only solo project, I might think that Jerry has a pretty nifty lil’ solo record on his hands.

But it’s not.

So what we are left with as listeners and fans is a decent record bearing the Misfits name, but lacking the magic, wondering where our loyalties end, and if the name alone means that we owe it a chance. 6.5/10

Megadeth: TH1RT3EN 2011

Megadeth’s thirteenth album is surprisingly called TH1RT3EN, which while admittedly lacking the humor or creativity of past Megadeth titles, seems logical enough. In spite of its star-crossed moniker, Megadeth fans are in luck. TH1RT3EN is outstanding. However, before I start beating off all over my keyboard, let me issue the following disclaimer — this is not Rust in Peace II, Peace Sells II, or even Countdown to Extinction II. The thrash is minimal (like two songs minimal), it is not packed full of trademark Megadeth dual guitar solos, and it is not going to win the “Heaviest Face-Melting Thrash Metal Album of the Year” award from anyone, any time soon. It is however, packed full of well-crafted, catchy, modern-era Megadeth music.

It’s time for Megadeth fans clamoring for RIP II to accept defeat and move on. It’s clear that after twenty years of releasing non-RIP II albums, Dave Mustaine simply no longer has any interest in exploring the brand of thrash metal that put Megadeth on the map. The band spent the bulk of the nineties moving progressively further away from thrash, ultimately culminating in the complete genre departure that was Risk. The post-Risk era has seen Dave move the band back toward a more conventional Megadeth sound, but it is still far from the thrash glory of the bands first four albums. Instead, Dave & Co. find themselves nestled quite comfortably in the midst of a late career run of solid, mature, albeit somewhat predictable, heavy metal albums. Each one peppered with just enough old-school feel to keep their fanbase happy, while still allowing Dave to explore the hooky, hard-rock-radio ready heavy metal he is so damn good at writing.

For those of you looking for RIP II, I have taken it upon myself to compile the following list of post-Risk tunes. Feel free to throw them on your iPod and make-believe Dave did indeed deliver the album of your dreams.

Rust in Peace II Released November 1, 2011
1. Recipe for Hate… Warhorse
2. Return to Hanger
3. Blackmail the Universe
4. Kick the Chair
5. Sleepwalker
6. You’re Dead
7. Burnt Ice
8. This Day We Fight!
9. 1,320
10. Endgame
11. Headcrusher
12. Sudden Death
13. Never Dead
14. New World Order

O.K., that ought to do it.

Now we can go about the business of reviewing TH1RT3EN.

Megadeth have not released an album that sounds this good since 1994's Youthanasia. I always loved the thick sound of that record and thought that it suited Megadeth well. Countdown to Extinction, while a technical exercise in studio perfection, always sounded too robotic to me. TH1RT3EN sounds nice and fat, the band sounds live, the bass in audible, and Dave’s vocals are high in the mix, which is key because these songs are catchy and vocal dependent.

The songs themselves remind me of some of the deep cuts on Youthanasia, such as I Thought I Knew it All and Black Curtains. Deadly Nightshade has a funky palm-muted riff reminiscent of Train of Consequences. I absolutely love Wrecker. It sounds like a heavier version of Megadeth’s Risk-era track, Seven, mixed with Guns-n-Roses, Out Ta Get Me. The lyrics are great and will be appreciated by any married man such as myself. It’s really nice to hear some humor in a Megadeth song again. Megadeth employed humor in their music as far back as their debut album Killing is My Business with their cover of Nancy Sinatra’s These Boots. Unfortunately, they have gotten away from the funny stuff in recent years, as the lyrics have become increasingly political & preachy. TH1RT3EN is more fun & simpler lyrically.

There are a handful of reworked b-sides on the album that fans may recognize, but they fit perfectly and each is better than the original. A few tracks like, We the People and Guns, Drugs, & Money, didn’t click for me immediately, but now I find myself really digging them. So give the record a few spins.

TH1RT3EN is strong and consistent from top to bottom. The playing is a bit more restrained and the song structures are more to the point. The focus is clearly on simpler songs with infectious hooks. The production is stellar and gives Megadeth a more modern sound that really compliments the band and the material. Some fans may be disappointed at the lack of overt thrash and TH1RT3EN’s pop tendencies, especially after the old-school promise of Megadeth’s previous effort, Endgame. TH1RT3EN is certainly not the ever-elusive RIP II. However, disgruntled fans should remember that Mr. Mustaine is in charge, and after all, Who’s Life is it Anyways. 8.5/10